Enough with the looking back.
It's time to gaze down the murky road ahead, a road that is shrouded in mist and replete with various hidden pitfalls.
Am I the best person to predict the future? If not me, who? Of course, I'm the best person for the job - how dare you impugn my credentials.
Here then, are a few things I think you can take to the bank (at least in the football world), in 2008.
- Ohio State will once again fatten up on overmatched out-of-conference opponents who have nicknames like: the Zips (from Akron) and the Penguins (Youngstown State). Then, to stay consistent with their M.O. of recent years, after not testing themselves whatsoever during the regular season, they'll get run off the field in their bowl game by some team from the SEC - I'm thinking Vanderbilt... maybe in the Poulan Weed-Eater Bowl, sounds about right.
- Derek Anderson of the Cleveland Browns will blossom into a bonafide star, a'la Tony Romo. He'll throw for 4,200 yards, 38 TDs, and then sign a fat extension with the team.
- As a response to this development, Brady Quinn will visit a local hair salon to get his tips frosted.
- Bill Belichick will abandon his cut-off hooded sweatshirt while coaching on the sidelines and instead will opt for a mesh muscle-T.
- Lindsay Lohan will bypass the next seven levels of her career implosion fame shame-spiral and just skip straight to doing soft-core porn flicks which will air in continuous rotation on late night Cinemax.
(Please note the stylish lo-jack monitoringanklet she's got on there. It's THE stylish
accessory to have in Hollywood for 2008.)
(I know that last one really has nothing to do with football, but you didn't actually think I'd be able to do a straight, 100% football blog post, did you? I didn't think you thought that.)
---JohnnyU
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