Sexism Isn't Cool... But I Guess it Used to Be?

From my Page-a-Day calendar, I found this beauty - apparently these are tips taken from a book (or possibly pamphlet) written and published way back in 1943:

FROM “ELEVEN TIPS ON GETTING MORE EFFICIENCY OUT OF WOMEN EMPLOYEES,” (1943)

• “Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. A girl is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick, and wash her hands several times a day.”

• “Be tactful in issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women can’t shrug off harsh words the way that men do. Never ridicule a woman—it cuts her efficiency.”

• “Give the female employee a definite schedule of duties so that she’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes.”

• “Be considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl’s husband or father may swear vociferously, she’ll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.”


That's more unintentionally hilarious - while also deplorable and sad - than Sinbad's comedy act (in my own defense, the reason I was watching Sinbad is that is what channel was already on, and the remote control was nowhere to be found and I was too lazy to get up and look for it - it was under the couch or something).

How did employers think this would be a good idea? Although, now that I think about it, this wasn't even the worst kind of short-sighted prejudice going on - after all, in those days plenty of people still actually believed that folks' skin color should determine which drinking fountain they used.


One other gem that I got recently from my Page-a-Day calendar (what would I do in the off-season withOUT that thing?) was this:

In 2005 Canadian Marc Lachance met and fell in love with a Belgian woman named “Sabine” on a Cuban vacation. Sadly, after the trip, he lost her address and phone number. After some extensive research, he found that there were 3,700 women in Belgium named Sabine and planned to contact all of them until he found the right one. When the European media picked up the story, the real Sabine’s brother heard about it on the radio and told his sister. Moved by the act of love, Sabine tracked down Marc’s phone number, called him, and they made plans to reunite.

I have a couple of thoughts on this item:

• Nothing good happens when you start with Cuba, then mix in a Canadian guy with a Belgian gal. That's just asking for trouble, even if it's at a Waffle House.
• Wasn't this a bad John Cusack/Kate Beckinsale movie a couple of years back? "Serendipity"? I'm thinking it was...

But at least this gives me a good excuse to post a picture of Kate Beckinsale, because Kate Beckinsale = The Hotness.


---JohnnyU

This'n'That

Some random NFL thoughts on a Tuesday during the off-season:

- What's up with the Dolphins cutting Trent Green, Marty Booker, and a sheaf of other players? The explanation from the team is that they "are trying to clear some cap space to sign free agents". Ohhh-kay. You were already $22 million UNDER the cap to start with, and that got you to a 1-15 season. Now that you're $31 million under the cap, what does that do for you? Maybe if you save ALL the money, and have zero players (or maybe make *them* pay the team to play!) and then the team will really be a money-maker, and they'll only be one win worse than last year. I should be an NFL GM, I think.

-- According to ProFootballTalk, the Ravens - who weren't happy to see super-stud LB Adalius Thomas bolt to the Pats in the last off-season - aren't going to take any chances with semi-stud LB Terrell Suggs. Ravens GM Ozzie Newsome announced that the team would use their franchise player tag on Suggs in order to keep him from walking. Incidentally, Suggs has the same agent (Gary Wichard) as Colts DE Dwight Freeney - and after Indy slapped Freeney with the same franchise tag last year, Wichard negotiated a 6-year, $72M deal for his client that included $30M in guaranteed money.
So, in the words of the stuttering boxing champ in the movie 'Harlem Nights', Terrell Suggs, "you get ready to be a rich [brother]".


-- There is speculation that Pats CB Asante Samuel, fresh off of dropping a sure interception on the final drive of the Super Bowl - an INT that would have sealed a perfect season for the Pats, may be the first DB to sign a $100M contract. Nate Clements signed an $80M deal with the 49ers last year, but Yahoo's Jason Cole thinks that mark is going to be topped this off-season.

"Under the terms of the one-year tender contract Samuel agreed to before last season, the Patriots can't put the "franchise" tag on him again this year, making him an unrestricted free agent this offseason.

That fact was of keen interest to a number of players in action Sunday at the Pro Bowl. The Denver Broncos' Champ Bailey, once the highest paid cornerback in the league, wants to see what Samuel is offered and accepts. Cornerback Marcus Trufant, who is likely to be franchised by the Seattle Seahawks this month, is interested. Finally, budding star Antonio Cromartie of San Diego, who has the size, speed and skill to be the best of all of them, could be talking to the Chargers about an extension in the next couple of years."

-- Apparently there were some murmurs in Honolulu over the weekend that Jerry Jones, who is looking to make a big splash this off-season, wants to work a deal for Cardinals' WR Larry Fitzgerald. According to the secret source, the hyperactive owner wanted to closely observe Fitz at the Pro Bowl, especially to see what the chemistry was like when Fitz was around the numerous (13 in total) Cowboys Pro-Bowlers. Tony Romo did throw a TD pass to Fitzgerald in that game, and with the Cowboys stocked with plenty of tradeable assets (including TWO 1st-round picks in the upcoming NFL Draft), it seems like a very plausible scenario.

My question is: how is Terrell Owens going to feel with a guy like Fitzgerald on the other side, who is probably as good a WR as Owens is - and doesn't drop as many passes? How pissed would T.O. be if #11 became Romo's favorite target instead of #81? T.O. doesn't like to share the spotlight - as evidenced by the sideline interview at the Pro Bowl with him during the 3rd quarter, and T.O. had caught his second TD of the game and predicted that he would be chosen as the game's MVP.

"For a while there, it was looking like T.J. [Houshmandzadeh] would be the MVP. He caught two earlier in the game, but now I've just passed him."

I have two thoughts on this:

1) Sweet irony that MVP ended up being rookie Adrian Peterson (T.O. was nowhere to be seen after the game)

2) I don't know where T.O. attended first grade, but if you have two of something (like TDs), and someone else also has two of something, you haven't "passed them". You're actually tied.

Hope that helps.


---JohnnyU

A Couple of Smiles for February

I know I've been a bit of slacker since the Super Bowl, but you know me...

Scouring the earth to bring you - my tens of loyal readers - the best from the world of sports, pop culture, and especially the weirdness from the soft underbelly of cyberspace.

Here are a couple of things that I found very entertaining over the last couple of days:

Grape Ape! Grape Ape!

In 2001 a gorilla in the Pittsburgh Zoo leapt eight feet over a moat and grabbed onto an inch-wide bamboo stem leaning against the enclosure wall. Then she climbed the bamboo like a rope, all the way up the 16-foot wall.

Once she was on the other side, the gorilla began foraging for junk food. (Below is a picture taken by a zoo visitor that shows the gorilla outside of her enclosure). Once free, she raided a concession stand, consuming muffins, pastries, and soda. Resourceful zookeepers finally figured out how to lure her back into captivity: Hershey’s Kisses.
The gorilla was tranquilized and returned to her habitat, and the bamboo was immediately trimmed.


I liked The Great Grape Ape Show, by the way. I think they should film a new version of that, where David Hasselhoff could play the Grape Ape.

Yes, I think it should be live-action, not animated.


---JohnnyU

$2.7 Million for 30 Seconds Doesn't Buy What it Used To

I'm not trying to steal the USA Today's gig or anything, since they love to rate the Super Bowl commercials, but without having read their annual article, I will say that there were ZERO standout, memorable commercials this year.

Where was this year's Bud frogs? Or Terry Tate the Office Linebacker? The Bud Bowl?

Can a brutha get a decent commercial for $2.7M per 30 seconds?

Apparently not, but I was pleased to see this list of the Top Ten Super Bowl Commercials of All Time (including the infamous 1984 Apple commercial that was only shown a single time).

It made up for the dreadful offerings during this year's game.


---JohnnyU

Football Remission: It's Officially the Off-Season

While it is true that there "is no offseason in football these days" (I don't know who said that - so I'm not sure why I put quotation marks around it, but I've heard it from someone, so I thought some attribution would be best), but the day after the Super Bowl is always a bit of hangover - both literally and figuratively.

It's going to be a good five months or so before we get the gridiron cranked back up, but let me hit with some good stuff.

CNNsi.com had a great package of the '21 All-Time Dumbest Super Bowl Questions'.

Here they are, in reverse order:

21) Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was asked: "What is your purpose in life?"

20) Bills running back Thurman Thomas was asked how he got psyched for big games. "I read the newspaper and look at the stupid questions you all ask," he replied. He probably spent hours at it because Super Bowl media day is a factory farm of dumb queries.

19) To Cowboy QB Troy Aikman: "Does it seem a little strange answering football questions in a baseball stadium?"

18) For Rams RB Marshall Faulk: "How come you have a podium while all your teammates are forced to stand out here?"
17) For Titans DT Joe Salave'a: "What's your relationship with the football?" (Salave'a's answer: "I'd say it's strictly platonic.")

16) To Raiders QB Jim Plunkett: "Is it your mother who's blind, and your father who's deaf, or the other way around?"

15) To Redskins QB Doug Williams: "So how long have you been a black quarterback?" This is now widely debunked as an urban legend, but the following was asked: "Doug, would it be easier if you were the second black quarterback to play in the Super Bowl?"

14) To Redskins OL Mark May: "How does it feel to block for the first black quarterback in the Super Bowl?"

13) To Ravens LB Ray Lewis: "How long have you been surrounded by thugs?"

12) To 49ers QB Joe Montana: "So why do they call you Boomer?"
11) To Bills LB Cornelius Bennett: "Do you believe you can win?"

10) To Patriots G Heath Irwin: "Would you like to see the AFC win the Super Bowl?"

9) To Cowboys G Nate Newton: "Have you noticed the logo is missing on one side of the Steelers' helmets?"

8) To Rams QB Kurt Warner: "Do you believe in voodoo, and can I have a lock of your hair?"
7) To Cowboys RB Emmitt Smith: "What are you going to wear in the game Sunday?"

6) Broncos FB Detron Smith: "What size panties do you think you'd wear?"

5) To Bills C Kent Hull: "Can I have your pants?"

4) For Rams OT Orlando Pace: "After the game, in the shower, what's your favorite bar of soap?"

3) To Steelers LB Kevin Greene: "How long does it take you to wash your hair?"
2) To Rams DE Jay Williams: "Is Ram a noun or a verb?"

1) To Broncos QB John Elway: "Are you going to listen to Stevie Wonder perform at halftime?"



---JohnnyU

Worst Invention Ever?

There have been a lot of really bad inventions over the years, many of which you can read about here, but I don't know if I've ever seen anything as stupid as this:





Do you think that, when they ship the Hawaii Chair to you, they include some Dramamine and a certificate for a complimentary vertigo treatment?

By the way, in case you were wondering (and I doubt you were) why I've not blogged about the Super Bowl at all, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that there is so much overkill with the current amount of coverage - I didn't want to add my voice to the other effluvia.

Plus, I think you all should commend me on how I've completely avoided the topic of Britney Spears's committal to a mental hospital - with particular focus on avoiding any mention of the fact that Brit-Brit has been classified by the UCLA Medical Center as 'Gravely Disabled' (or G.D. for short) which means the patient is unable to take care of basic needs, such as the acquisition of food, clothing or shelter.
I don't want to pile on Britney in her darkest hour, so I won't even mention that anyone who saw her MTV Awards performance would attest to the fact that Britney does not have any problem "acquiring food".

So I'll just stop before I mention any of that.


---JohnnyU