Paul Pierce Ain't No Gangsta

I did not see the game in question, but the Boston Herald is reporting that Paul Pierce of the Celtics has been fined $25,000 by the NBA for a hand gesture he made toward the Atlanta Hawks' bench during Boston's Game 3 loss on Saturday. It was identified as a possible Blood gang sign, and the league termed it a 'menacing gesture' and so they hit him with a fine.

I only have one question about this: how does *anyone* in the NBA league office know what gang signs look like? Is David Stern or Rod Thorn that well-versed in the street that they're able to identify and then categorize a gang sign? I'm fascinated by this.

Of course, Pierce denies it and says it's something he's been doing all year as a dedication to the team's 'blood, sweat and tears'. Celts head coach Doc Rivers got off this terrific quote that made me chuckle:

“I just don’t know how you interpret what something means if you don’t know what it means.”

I anxiously await Dan Shaughnessey, the uber-white Boston newspaper columnist (Shaughnessey is so white, he makes Vanilla Ice look like Flava Flav), breaking this all down for us.


---JohnnyU

This Just In: Peyton Manning NOT a Robot

This may be really old, but if so I never saw it - Peyton Manning going OFF on his offensive line on the sideline during a game. It kind of made me laugh, mostly because corporate America (and of course Peyton himself) never lets us see this side of #18.




I especially like the way big Tarik Glenn finally has heard enough and tells his QB to go sit his butt back down on the bench. Also, be sure to catch backup QB Jim Sorgi jumping in to Peyton's defense - Dude sure knows what side his bread's buttered on.

It's hard to believe that Peyton and Eli are from the same gene pool. Temperament-wise, they seem *nothing* alike.


-JohnnyU

I Hate the Dentist

I normally don't ever inject any of my own life into this blog, mostly because I figure no one's interested. But a couple days ago, I had a trip to the dentist that is at least worth mentioning.

One of my fillings needed to be replaced, it was discovered during a recent cleaning appointment, and so the dentist said there might be some decay behind the filling that "needed to be cleaned out".

A new appointment was made for several weeks down the road, and that's where I found myself on Thursday of this week.

It was at that point that I heard the two things you never (and I mean EVER) want to hear come out of your dentist's mouth:

1) "I don't think we're going to need to use any anesthetic for this!" (For the record, shouldn't this be the patient's call? My dentist said there was a new tool called the Air Abrasion - which is like a mini-sandblaster, except it's directed into your mouth - which typically isn't a great place to fill up with sand, I've found.) No drill bit, no burr.


At least according to my dentist, this technique could strip away tooth enamel and decay without the use of any type of pain-killer. What I have to say to that: well, you could do a root canal without pain-killers too, I just wouldn't want to.

That led us to the second thing that you never want to hear your dentist say:


2) "Nurse, could you please hand me that instruction book?"

Benny Hill Woulda Loved It

In the UK this week, Her Majesty's Treasury - called the Office of Government Commerce - got embarrassed when their new logo was unveiled and it was met with unintended guffaws.
I suppose no one designing the logo thought to turn it on its side, but the employees at the unveiling spotted it immediately.

What a boneheaded decision that turned out to be.

Manu is Clutch

(Photos by Greg Nelson/Sports Illustrated)

Great photo of Manu Ginobili icing the double-OT win against the Suns on Tuesday night. I don't know if that little Argentinian (he's 6'6", actually) is worth $10 million a year ($9,079,811, actually), but he does seem to make big shots when they need them.

But in this one, Shaq doesn't seem to enjoy Manu's work very much...



---JohnnyU

"Eli & Abby, Sittin' In a Tree..."

So Eli Manning got married over the weekend in Mexico? A couple of things struck me about this story:

1) I was surprised at how NICE the article was - considering that it was published in the New York Daily News, I expected to see an excoriation. Although I suppose winning a Super Bowl for a Gotham City team causes the tabloids to call off the dogs somewhat, hm? I guess so.

2) My second question is, at one point in the story, it is reported:

Some guests estimated the wedding cost Manning around $500,000, a modest sum compared to most celebrity weddings.

Seriously? $500k is a modest sum for a wedding? Just because Tommy Mottola spent $3 million on his 'storybook' wedding to Mariah Carey - so that they could pledge their unending troth to one another, and then get divorced like nine months later, does not (repeat, *not*) make a half-million a 'modest sum'.

One thing I will say is that they look like a happy, normal couple. She doesn't look like she'll become some kind of nightmare - but then, what do I know?

I thought Anna Nicole Smith would keep Bobby Trendy as her decorator forever - so I'm not so trustworthy on predicting things.

I'm Confused

This story, off of FanNation, reports that a league source is saying Brian Urlacher's agents have asked the team if they could explore a trade. Another says Urlacher is threatening to retire because of neck and back problems, a move in which he wouldn't have to repay any portion of the $13 million signing bonus he received in 2003, when he received a nine-year, $56.65 million deal.

So which is it?

Is he hurt so badly that he needs to retire? Or he wants a trade? Those two things seem to be quite mutually exclusive, if you ask me (which you didn't).

Brian Urlacher has always seemed like a fairly good guy, except for those murky circumstances around him getting involved (briefly, of course) with Paris Hilton - shortly thereafter his wife moved out, taking their 3-year old daughter with her.

Drew Rosenhaus Might Be the Devil

I always thought that Scott Boras was about as bad is got when it came to sports agents, but Drew Rosenhaus seems to be giving Boras a run for his money.

Now he's got Cowboys RB Marion Barber convinced that he's worth as big of a contract as LaDainian Tomlinson.

Cowboys, RB Barber $10 Million Apart
Calvin Watkins, Dallas Morning News

The Cowboys sent their latest offer to restricted free agent RB Marion Barber III with a price tag of $30 million. Barber and agent Drew Rosenhaus are seeking a deal worth $40-60 million, ie. Larry Johnson, Ladanian Tomlinson territory. The Cowboys are believed to be targeting the contract signed by Falcons RB Michael Turner, who has a six year, $34.5 million contract ($15 million guaranteed) in place. But sources said the team would be willing to give Barber a contract close to what Baltimore gave Willis McGahee last year (seven years, $40.12 million, including the final two years picked up).

If I remember that Sports Illustrated article correctly, Rosenhaus got his start hanging around the Miami Dolphins practice field, accosting players as they walked to their cars, promising them big things if they were to leave their current, though presumably more principled and ethical, agents. Dude sounds like Bob Sugar (Jay Mohr) from 'Jerry Maguire'.
Listen, Marion Barber is a nice player, but $60 million? If I can use my best Ahnuld accent for this, "Dat's a good vun..."


---JohnnyU

"Well, the front fell off, for a start..."

I have no idea if this video is real, or if it's some kind of Australian version of a Monty Python sketch or something.

All I know is that it's frickin' funny, and I'd prefer to think that it's real.

How Does Paris Hilton Not Fall Down More?

It wasn't a secret that Paris Hilton is one of the dumbest human beings on the planet - if not THE dumbest, then certainly in the bottom-five - but this story today from the New York Daily News still surprised me nonetheless.

Paris Hilton kept the locals amused during her recent visit to South Africa, where she accompanied her Good Charlotte boyfriend, Benji Madden.

The couple stayed at the ultra-luxe Mount Nelson Hotel in Cape Town, along with the Kaiser Chiefs and Korn, who were also in town for the My Coke Fest music event. (Apparently, calling a rock festival My Coke Fest isn't ironic in South Africa.)

A hotel spy tells us: "Every time Paris saw something she liked, like a woman's dress, she would ask how much it was. That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park. She asked how much it was and said, 'If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?'"

Perhaps Paris could take one home and feed it with her leftover Chihuahuas.

Seriously, she is borderline mentally-challenged. I'm not even kidding.

I think my favorite Paris Hilton story came from the time that she had testify in court for some crime or another that she had committed (drunk driving, perhaps? without a license?). Anyway, she was asked to recall the name of someone with whom she had interacted, and she couldn't do it, but explained her memory lapse by saying, "I know a lot of people. I don't even know some of my friends' names."

And she drives a Bentley.

Kill me now.

"10-Table" Super Bowl Ring

I imagine you've seen the stories of Michael Strahan of the Giants saying that he wanted the team's Super Bowl rings to be '10-table' rings - meaning that you could see the ring from ten tables away in a restaurant.

That sounded pretty cool, but I hadn't gotten a look at the rings, but I finally found pictures on The Gothamist website.



Now, it's hard to tell how big it is, since there's nothing to compare it to, but it looks pretty nice. What I will say is that a lot of guys on recent Super Bowl winners have said that they leave their rings at home, or in a safe-deposit box, because they are just garishly big - like the size of a pizza plate on their finger.

Also, for my money (which it isn't) give me yellow gold over white gold or platinum any time.

Thanks for Nuttin', Moises!

Did you see the story were Moises Alou has changed his story about the Steve Bartman incident? Right after it happened, back in the 2003 NLCS, he said that "almost 100 percent" he would have caught that ball.

Now, he's saying, ""You know what the funny thing is? I wouldn't have caught it, anyway.''

That *IS* funny, Moises! It's downright hilarious. I'm laughing so hard I think I lost control of my bladder function and tinkled in my pants!

Speaking of tinkling, don't your hands need a urine bath or something? Go make yourself useful.

Poor Bartman - dude's life is ruined. If anyone's life should be ruined it's Alex Gonzalez, the then-shortstop for the Cubs who kicked a routine double-play ball only seconds after the Bartman foul ball - if Gonzalez makes that play, we never know Bartman's name.

Now the guy has been in hiding for five years, and he's probably changed his name - like Jeff Gillooly did after his marriage to Tonya Harding.

Bartman - try using 'Jeff Stone'; it worked for Gillooly.


---JohnnyU

Matt Leinart is Handsome and Likes Beer, Ladies and Hot Tubs

It seems like there are a lot of people all atwitter over Matt Leinart's shenanigans over the weekend. Dude had a rager at his house in Arizona and he and his wingman Nick Lachey hosted a bevy of underage honeys.

Turns out that his coach, Ken Whisenhunt, wasn't too stoked about Matt partying like it was Nineteen Ninety-Nine with nineteen-year-olds.

I think it was the picture of Matt holding up the beer bong for the young lady. Hey, he was just being a gentleman. And they say chivalry is dead these days.


Listen, if you were 24 years old, a millionaire, and looked like Matt Leinart, would you not be acting the exact same way he is?

Asking him not to use the tools he's been given would be like telling cavemen, "Look, I know you think that spear works well for killing the bear. But you should really just keep trying to kill them with your bare hands."