Matt Leinart Looks Happy

I would very much like it if someone could please explain to me what Matt Leinart is doing in this photo:

And, I should mention that Dude apparently doesn't know how to knot a tie; yet, somehow I still don't think Leinart has a lot of trouble getting ladies' attention.

Regardless, that photo makes about as much sense as this one:



---JohnnyU

JaMarcus Nearing Three Bills?

I thought this was a terrific item, if for no other reason that it brings to light one of the best nicknames I've heard in a while - namely: "The Lord of the Ring-Dings".


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Kudos to the reader who pointed out to us a riveting nugget buried in a free-agency review from Don Banks of SI.com.

Per Banks, there are rumors that Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell is closing in on 300 pounds.

Three. Hundred. Pounds.

He's officially listed on the team's web site at 255.

If Russell is indeed up to 300 pounds, he'd take over the crown of heaviest NFL quarterback from Giants backup Jared Lorenzen, who is listed at 285.

Then again, if the Lord of the Ring Dings is officially listed at 285, our guess is that he's already north of 300.

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(A big thank you to my friend Ed, who brought this blog item to my attention. I admire Ed for two reasons: (1) he has a lightning-quick wit and knows how to make people laugh, and (2) he looks like an odd hybrid, or bastard love-child, of Egon Spengler from 'Ghostbusters', Paul the dorky kid from 'The Wonder Years', mixed in with a little dash of Beaker from 'The Muppets'.)

Worst NFL Free Agent Signing So Far?

Can we talk for a second about the crazy jack that NFL teams are throwing around to free agents in this offseason?

It's unbelievable, really. You could make an argument for Tommie Kelly signing for $50 million from the Raiders despite the fact that he's rehabbing from an ACL injury.

Is that the worst free agent signing so far?

I would argue No.

You could also make a case for it being Bernard Berrian - the ex-Bear who jammed the WR-desperate Vikings for a 6-yr, $42M deal that includes $16M in guaranteed kaysh. This for a guy who has never had a 1,000 yard season in his career.
I almost opted for Cleo Lemon, who guided the Dolphins to an historically bad season, and came within a Greg Camarillo overtime miracle of posting the first 0-16 season in NFL history - and Cleo squeezed the Jags for a 3-year deal for $9M. Nine million for Cleo Freaking Lemon?! Is he any better than a practice-squad player for them?

Lord, thank you for my meager skills. They've made me a rich man.

But for my money (which it's NOT, thank God) the worst free-agent signing this year goes to the Raiders: how can Oakland justify paying Javon Walker in essence a three-year, $27 million contract, with $16 million guaranteed, when he's missed like 10 games per year for the last three seasons?

Another way to look at this is that Walker is getting more money than Randy Moss got from the Pats (3 years, $27M, but only $15M guaranteed for Moss compared to $16M for Walker).

If you needed any further proof that Al Davis died in, like, 1996 and they have been using an animatronic puppet for him ever since, this would be it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go slap the sh1t out of my parents for not giving me talented-enough genes to play pro football for a living.


---JohnnnyU

Hail... to... the... Redskiiiiins!

From the "Are You Friggin Kidding Me" File comes this report: According to ProFootballTalk, the Washington Times is reporting that the Redskins have re-signed special teamer (and third-string RB) Rock Cartwright to a 3-yr, $3.55 million deal.

Is someone yanking me here or what? Now, Cartwright may have one of the all-time great football names - but $1M+ per year for a dude who had TWO CARRIES for ZERO YARDS during the 2007 season?!

I must be missing something here - maybe Rock has other talents that we don't know about? Perhaps he entertains the kids with balloon animals at the team 4th of July barbeque? Maybe he has secret photos of Skins owner Daniel Snyder wearing ladies' bloomers?

Or maybe Rock's agent just realized what the rest of the NFL (and especially guys like Brandon Lloyd and Antwan Randle-El) has known for a long time: that The Daniel has way more money than sense.


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Dracula's Castle For Sale?

If you've got a spare $77 million lying around in your couch cushions, you may want to check into buying Vlad the Impaler's original castle, dating from the 14th century. It turns out the castle is for sale by the real Dracula's distant descendants.

I think living in a tourist attraction that not only brings in nearly a half-million visitors a year, but is also a place that's more than 600 years old, might present some unique challenges.

It might be a good place for Brad and Angelina to raise their burgeoning brood. I'll drop their agents a quick note. Come to think of it, they probably read my blog.


---JohnnyU

This Pilot is a Friggin' Stud

No idea how the pilot of this A320 Airbus in Hamburg managed to keep this thing from rolling over from the vicious crosswind, but this is one of the sickest things I've ever seen.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=ddb_1204404185

Can Someone Please Help Me?

Because I am confused...