How Does Paris Hilton Not Fall Down More?

It wasn't a secret that Paris Hilton is one of the dumbest human beings on the planet - if not THE dumbest, then certainly in the bottom-five - but this story today from the New York Daily News still surprised me nonetheless.

Paris Hilton kept the locals amused during her recent visit to South Africa, where she accompanied her Good Charlotte boyfriend, Benji Madden.

The couple stayed at the ultra-luxe Mount Nelson Hotel in Cape Town, along with the Kaiser Chiefs and Korn, who were also in town for the My Coke Fest music event. (Apparently, calling a rock festival My Coke Fest isn't ironic in South Africa.)

A hotel spy tells us: "Every time Paris saw something she liked, like a woman's dress, she would ask how much it was. That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park. She asked how much it was and said, 'If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?'"

Perhaps Paris could take one home and feed it with her leftover Chihuahuas.

Seriously, she is borderline mentally-challenged. I'm not even kidding.

I think my favorite Paris Hilton story came from the time that she had testify in court for some crime or another that she had committed (drunk driving, perhaps? without a license?). Anyway, she was asked to recall the name of someone with whom she had interacted, and she couldn't do it, but explained her memory lapse by saying, "I know a lot of people. I don't even know some of my friends' names."

And she drives a Bentley.

Kill me now.