We are Not Amused

Howdy, YouBeQB'ers,

Here's hopin' you all had a restful and hug-filled weekend. As your buddy JohnnyU sifts through the ashes of another week of football to bring you the still-smoldering embers of interesting tidbits, I thought I would point something out to you guys who think you're pretty clever...

For the people who have been using multiple YouBeQB logins in an attempt to pull one over on the powers that be, I'm sure you were sitting there, giggling to yourself, and you were all:





Well, don't think that you've gotten over on us! We know what you're up to, and what we have to say is:


So, don't make us take such punitive measures as deleting your accounts for you. Play fair and we'll all be friends.



--JohnnyUnitas

Bonjour, mon amies

Hi, everyone. Did you miss me? It's OK, you can admit it. You missed me, didn'tcha?

Let's take a look to see how things are going on the ol' YouBeQB site, hmm? I thought it might be interesting to highlight some of the real 'power users'. Who are the QBs who are just dedicating blood, sweat, and tears to the site - these are the people who are just *muscling* through a ton of games, calling plays, living and dying with every game.



We love all of these people, and we would like to name our first six children after them:



1) 175 games ( VY10FAN ) - VY10FAN has been featured for his stellar performances previously in Da Blog, and here he is getting some more ink now. VY has strapped on his helmet and quarterbacked a staggering 175 pro & college games - in less than two months. I don't know when Dude sleeps, but he's probably calling plays while he is clocking Z's. All of this play-calling has allowed VY10FAN to rise to the ranking of #2 overall for the entire site - he still trails FOZZIE, who owns the #1 spot. FOZZIE makes me chuckle a little bit, because when you look at his profile, where you can list your favorite teams, he's got like - no lie - 60 teams listed. Your head is going to pop off, bro.

(Quirky note: I see that VY10FAN's user number is #666 (look in the address of the link when you click on his name, and the number at the end of it is the user number). I'm sure this is a *complete* coincidence, and NO EVIDENCE whatsoever that VY10FAN has cut a deal with the devil to allow him to QB like 25 games a week.)


2) 169 games ( vy10fanz ) - OK, what's going on here? Are these first two QB names a prank or something? Is someone playing a joke on poor JohnnyU?! I'm not the smartest guy in the world (though I'm probably not the dumbest, either -- though I could be in the bottom three at any given time.) How could the two QBs who have called the most games both have nearly identical QB names? What the flock is happening?

VY say: "You fellas better stop using my name
before I hit you up for likeness rights royalties, homes."

3) 168 games ( Davidtodahalloffame ) - I'm not sure if David has the longest QB name on YouBeQB, but he's got to be in the conversation there somewhere.



Miscellaneous tidbits (found on FootballGuys):

• The Rams, Bengals and Chiefs have 2 rushing TDs combined. Last year they had 44.

• The Browns had 22 offensive TDs last season. This year they already have 19

• More Browns - They averaged 14.9 points per game in 2006 and currently average 27.8 points in 2007.

• The Rams had 39 total TDs last year. This year they have only 5 TDs so far and are pace for just 13.

• The Eagles and Saints had 48 and 46 total TDs respectively last year. This year they each have 10 TDs so far and are on pace for just 32 TDs.
  

• New England had 43 total TDs last year. This year they already have 29 TDs and are on pace for 77.

Have a great weekend of football action on YouBeQB!

--JohnnyUnitas

Week 6 - News & Notes

• From the ‘Don’t You Think That’s a Slight Overstatement?’ File: Not quite halfway through the Vikes-Bears game, Adrian Peterson was on his way to a huge game (finishing with 224 yards and 3 TDs) – a monster performance to be sure, but in the second quarter, TV color guy (and John Madden wannabe) Brian Baldinger said, “I’d have to say Adrian Peterson is the best back in the NFL right now.” (He also said the same thing on TV three days *before* the game). Listen, I know putting up two bills and three scores on the Bears is noteworthy, but the best RB in the NFL?! Baldinger is borderline mentally-challenged, if he seriously believes that. In related news, Brian Baldinger and a ripe turnip were each hooked up to an EEG simultaneously, and the turnip was judged to have, by far, the superior brain waves.

• Listen, far be it for me to be Captain Bitterman, because I'm not trying to tinkle in anyone's Corn Flakes, but University of South Florida, the #2 team in the country? Can a brutha get some perspective over here? I know they are a good team, sure, and yes, they beat Auburn and West Virginia, but does *anyone* seriously believe that if USF met LSU (or USC) on a neutral field, the Bulls would prevail? C’mon…

• Lord, that barn-burner between the Pats and Cowboys was an entertaining game to watch – and I don’t care a whit about either of those teams. That one game just about justified the $250 it cost for the DirecTV ‘NFL Sunday Ticket™’ all by itself.

• Speaking of Dallas-New England, you wouldn’t have seen this play if you only saw highlights of the game, but in the 4^th quarter, Randy Moss caught a second TD pass that was called back because of Offensive Pass Interference. I swear, I watched that play 15-20 times on replay, and I still can’t see any pushing off by Moss. The back judge who made that call should be more ashamed of himself than the TV genius who created ‘Desperate Housewives’ (The only thing that would be shameful than creating the show would be naming your fantasy football team after it.)

• OK, I’ll ask: Is it possible that Chad Johnson is only the 2^nd-best wide receiver on the Bengals?

• At various times on Sunday, we saw Tim Rattay, Cleo Lemon and Vinny Testaverde running NFL offenses. Zoinks, Scooby. “Paging Jeff George and Craig Whelihan to the Cardinals front office – please report for your uniform fitting and playbook distribution.” (And someone get Dan McGwire on the phone)

• New Mathematical Formula: Wes Welker 2007 equals Brandon Stokley 2004 which equals Ricky Proehl 1999. Quod Erat Demonstrandum.

• From the “I Just Need to Know” File: At this point, why would any coach kick the ball to Devin Hester?

• Move Over, Jerome Bettis: Did you see LenDale White had 25 carries and his LONGEST was 5 yds?! I’m not even sure how that’s possible. Wouldn’t you at some point just fall forward, or get pushed by your offensive lineman and end up with a longer run than that?

• On the opposite side of that same coin, Adrian Peterson had TWO runs of more than 55 yards on Sunday. I got this fact from Peter King’s MMQB column – the Bears had not allowed a single run of 55 yards or more since the start of the 2006 season. (Maybe A-Pete really *IS* the best RB in the NFL.)

Cold Chinese Food

Here are some leftover tidbits (just like some cold cartons of chinese food in your fridge) from last weekend's action:

• I read this somewhere earlier this week, so I don’t claim to take credit for it, but: wouldn’t the Bears offense be way, waaaaay better off if they just simply removed the QB position from the backfield entirely and instead just put Devin Hester 25 yards behind center and snap the ball to him and he can pretend it’s a punt return? Wouldn’t their offense instantly become one of the ten best in the NFL? Am I wrong?

• With a 52-yarder at the end of the first half and then a 57-yarder for the win as time expired, Kris Brown is “Kris-Miss” no longer.
• Great quote that I got from my Page-A-Day Sports Calendar, and this was from Merril Hoge (former Steelers RB-turned-studio analyst), and here Merril was talking specifically about the city of Pittsburgh: "Drive into the city on a Monday and you can feel a win or a loss. I used to think it was that way everywhere, but it's not." Now, given the fact that I was born in Pittsburgh, I confess that I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing - but it does underscore the fact that Steelers fans are fanatical about their football team.
  

• Speaking of that Texans-Dolphins game, did you catch the post-game comments from Travis Johnson (whose knee gave Trent Green a concussion and knocked the poor guy unconscious)? As the big Texans defensive lineman was surrounded by microphones in the locker room, he said, “I have a lot of respect for Trent Green, but today at about 12:20, I said ‘F*** Trent Green’, know what I mean?” This has all been covered a lot obviously, but my take on it was that you could hear one of Johnson’s teammates (who was off-camera, so I don’t know who it was) trying to intercede and get the guy to stop talking – but he wouldn’t do it, and even shouted his teammate down as the guy tried to save #99 from himself.
• I love Steve Mariucci like a fat kid loves cake, but he is not a good studio analyst. Even Dan Marino, who may be the worst analyst (living or dead) thinks that Mariucci needs to work on being a little less dry.
• As a Clinton Portis fantasy owner, I can honestly say that I detest Mike Sellers. (I probably speak for all Chris Cooley owners nationwide, also, no? Sellers is robbing easy fantasy points from both Clinton AND Cooley.)
• Which reminds me... If you had to list the Top Three NFL Head Coaches Who Hate Fantasy Football Players, who would you have? My list would look like:

1. Mike Shanahan (Does his level-best to not be consistent with who gets the ball on that team. Remember the Mike Bell/Tatum Bell battery from a couple of years ago?

"Note to self -- List of things to do today: (A) beat the Chiefs, (B) screw fantasy football owners. Not necessarily in that order."

2. Bill Belichick (Likes to deceive with the Injury Report. I think Tom Brady has broken the all-time NFL record for "Most Consecutive Weeks Listed on the Injury Report with a Non-specific, Completely Imaginary Injury" - he's at 178 weeks and counting now.)"Who is the LEAST likely guy that fantasy football owners
would have on their rosters? What about Mike Vrabel?"

3. Bill Parcells (Yes, I realize he's not in the NFL any more - but it doesn't change how cruel and unjust he was to fantasy owners the world over. Hey, listen - just because Rich Kotite got fired from the Jets more than a decade ago, doesn't erase his title of Worst NFL Head Coach Ever - even though Art Shell gave him a run for his money last year. Am I getting off-track?)

"Aww, Bill, I'm so proud of you. You listened attentively to every
lesson I gave you about screwing over fantasy players."

• If you had gone to a Vegas book before the season and asked what kind of odds you could get that by Week 5 of the NFL season, the Saints and Rams would be a combined 0-9 while the Packers and Cowboys would be 9-1? I’m not sure what the odds would have been, but there would have been a comma in the number – baleeb it.
• Did you happen to see the highlights from the very end of the Jags-Chiefs game? The game was already over, with the Chiefs trailing 17-0 and under a minute left. The only suspense remaining was whether KC would be able to get in the end zone to avoid the shut-out. You could see the stands in the background, and there were like five fans left in each section. It looked like a Cleveland Indians game from 1984.

Have a great weekend, all! Good luck in your YouBeQB games.


---JohnnyUnitas

A Sprinkle of This, a Dash of That, and a Soupcon of the Other

• Don't know if any of you caught this great article from Dennis Dodd, who is a writer for CBS Sportsline. It's a terrific essay on why there have been so many upsets in college football this season. I learned a lot, but then again, I learn a lot from doing the maze game on the back of my Lucky Charms box.


• From the "Welcome to the YouBeQB Top-10 Leaderboard" File: Pretty amazing performance by the YouBeQB player known as 'MBrum' - now ranked #8 on the Overall Leaderboard. What's so amazing about this, you ask? MBrum has managed to amass more than 41,000 points by playing only *18* games. That's astounding, especially when you consider some of the folks at the top of the list have cranked through 150 games or more. MBrum must have hit a bunch of 'accelerators' by correctly predicting a long string of plays one after another; his (or her) % Correct sits at a sparkling 44%. I've sent some fan mail of my own along to MBrum, and even asked for some pointers about how to be a more effective QB on the site, but MBrum won't return my emails. I heard a rumor that MBrum is looking into a restraining order against me. I can't help it - I just want to show my admiration; I'm not trying to be a stalker.

• Pretty impressive stuff: the 6 sacks that Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora recorded against the Eagles last week were the most by a single player in the NFL since the late Derrick Thomas tallied 7 against Dave Krieg and the Seahawks on Veteran's Day 1990. Umenyiora is a beast and he put on a clinic against young Winston Justice.

• In a related story, Osi Umenyiora's name sounds so ethnic that, immediately after the game ended, Angelina Jolie filed a petition attempting to adopt him.


• I read a story in the newspaper recently that contained an interview with Michael Flatley (the Irish jig, 'Lord of the Dance' guy). Dude had been out of the news for a while, so the interviewer asked him what he had been up to lately - and Flatley responded that he had just suffered through an extremely difficult divorce. Alright, I'll ask: You mean to tell me that guy is straight?

---JohnnyUnitas

Things to Avoid

Let's begin the latest blog entry with this -- Memo to the University of West Virginia athletic department: These two guys should probably find someone else to sit between them on the bench:

While I have you all here (is anyone out there? Help a brutha out) - I thought it would be time to give some recognition to a YouBeQB player who simply has shown us what NOT to do, when playing along on YouBeQB.

YouBeQB member 'I Am McLovin' has attempted to predict 64 plays, and the percent next to his name: 0%. That's difficult to do, as I have opined previously, but the thing I think is hilarious about McLovin is that if you take a look at his stats down at the bottom of his profile page, you can see that his 'Trick Play' percentage is 100%! This means that his % Correct # is not technically zero, but rather he somehow made one correct prediction of a trick play at some point, which I am endlessly entertained by.

Show me some simple grade-school magic tricks, or shiny bits of foil or metal, and you can keep me amused for hours.

So, 'I Am McLovin' -- I salute you! Keep up the (not-so-great) work. And by the way, I love your name, and let me include a picture of the real McLovin - because that's how we roll.

(One final note, as I wish you all a good weekend - make sure you don't make the same mistake I did, which is to type the word 'mclovin' into Google Images. I did so in order to find the picture above, but it brings some disturbing results. There are some sick people in the world, and I'm not one of them.)

Week 4 - News & Notes

* Totally unconfirmed, but I heard a rumor that Osi Umenyiora sacked Donovan McNabb twice this morning while Donovan was picking up his newspaper off the driveway.

* Exhibit #247 why I don’t gamble on NFL games:

• Cardinals 21

• Steelers 14 (Final)

I have no idea by how much Pittsburgh was favored going into that game, but I’m sure it was a lot. And I’m sure a number of gamblers lost a lot of dough on that game.

* If Tony Romo ever ends up going to the Hall of Fame, certainly one of the plays on the highlight package they put together will be that snap that went over his head, he kicked another 20 yards backward and then he picks it up, jukes a Rams defender out of his underpants and runs 37 yards with it. One of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. And I hate the Cowboys – but I like Tony Romo because of these four reasons: (1) he makes clutch plays like that; (2) he’s going to end up completely screwing over Jerry Jones in their contract negotiations because Jerry was arrogant enough to wait on giving him his money, and now it’s going to cost him big time; (3) Romo hooks up with hot Texas girls like Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood (allegedly); and (4) Do I really need a fourth reason? Those first three were pretty good, IMO.

(By the way, make sure you check out that crazy scramble of Romo's on YouTube before the NFL lawyers make them take it down).

* Don’t know if any of you watch NFL Game Day on the NFL Network – I’m not sure WHY I like it when Deion calls his ex-teammate, Raven kicker Matt Stover, by the nickname “Sto-Diddy”, but I like it a lot.

* From the ‘You Stay Classy, San Diego’ File: Is this what Chargers management gets for firing Marty Schottenheimer after a 14-2 season? Not just firing him, but waiting until deep into the offseason, long after all of the ‘good’ head-coaching candidates had already lined up other jobs and the Bolts were forced to take a flyer on recycled Norv Turner. Listen, you can say that Schottenheimer was the a great regular-season coach, and the worst playoff coach ever, but I would say the same thing about Norv Turner, but I would change it to read: great offensive coordinator, worst head coach ever.