(it comes from Seahawks QB Matt Hasselbeck, after he suffered a ribcage injury in Sunday's game against the Rams, which the Seattle trainers are calling a 'pulled oblique muscle'):
"I think it's a great thing. Actually, I'm kind of excited," Hasselbeck said after the game. "They told me I tweaked my oblique, which is awesome because I didn't know I had any obliques. I'm going to go home and tell my wife."
And for something completely different, because you know how hard it is for me to stay on topic. There is a clamor for 'truth in advertising', and products have to be marketed safely, labels have to be printed showing every ingredient and how it fits into a balanced diet, as well as any kind of warning whatsoever.[By the way, this seems like a good time to mention that my dad once bought me a bike for Christmas, and the pieces came jumbled up in a box. And I swear to you, stenciled on the outside of the box were big letters: "WARNING! ASSEMBLE BEFORE USE".]
Keeping all that in mind, let's look at some advertisements from the past, all of which are equal parts enlightening and horrifying, all at the same time.
Uhh, just what exactly am I supposed to think about this? "Sanitized tape worms" to keep you thin?! How about this for a slogan: "Tape worms -- they will kill you, and then after death sets in, almost immediately you will begin to experience the wonder of rapid weight loss!"
Was this ever really legal? Is this how people 100 years from now are going to feel about the Atkins Diet?
What? No! This doctor absolutely has not been paid by a tobacco company. Of course he's a real doctor. Are you intimating that he is an actor?
I very much like the slogan at the bottom of the ad: "For 30 days, test Camels in your 'T-zone' (T for Throat, T for Taste)"
That's great advice, and good practice for when you have to smoke your ciggys through the trachea ring they've installed in your neck after removing your larynx! (That would look catchy in an ad, no?)
Do you think there still is such a thing as "The Lard Information Council"? Do you think I could join?
Good lord, look at the size of that baby.
[Too. Many. Jokes!]
[Must resist. Must censor myself. Will... not... get fired from my position as YouBeQB blogger.]
There we go. I'm fine now - I just tasered myself.
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